i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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