If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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