some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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