go do what you do best...puke behind churches
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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