Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
