i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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