get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
