I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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