I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
