I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
