My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
