They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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