i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
