found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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