We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
