You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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