I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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