The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
