Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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