I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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