Rock
Scissors
Fuck
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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