2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
it hurts more in the daytime
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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