I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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