You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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