I hate all girls vehemently.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
