My underwear smells like fireworks.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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