im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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