Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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