Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
