this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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