If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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