i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
