Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
