Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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