I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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