Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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