**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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