I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
