theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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