I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
he high fived his dick after we had sex
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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