I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So apparently I’m into choking now
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
