ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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