Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
