no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
