i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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