Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
