soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We were destined to go to rehab together
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
