SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
