What a fucking waste of an outfit
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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