Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
